On the country roads of Dacula after midnight a couple of years ago, I hit a deer with my mom’s car.
I remember the array of emotions that I experienced. I had just left from hanging out with a couple of friends, having a high from the good food, laughter and conversation and then all of sudden, one of Bambi’s cousins came out of the woods like a ninja and I hit its back legs. My high came down quickly from the fright and I hit the breaks in the middle of the road, hyperventilating and crying.
A month or so ago I spent several nights in one week driving home in the pitch black, granny style. The fear that another animal would boldly cross my path again came and filled up my car. And then there was fog, which didn’t help me, came and made my path unclear. The lights on my ’99 Lexus would only let me see so far.
My life currently is the same as the late night driving on that country Georgia road; full of uncertainty, hesitance and obscurity. I can’t see beyond a couple of feet on my path and I’m frustrated. My heart and my lips groan for a green light and a clear path. But there is nothing of the sort, just fog. Or so I think.
I was reminded today of the Lord’s sovereignty, His efficacious authority in my life.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him. Who have been called according to His good purpose.”
In our feeble human selves, let’s be real: It is hard to love God, who we cannot see and trust His hands with the plans of our lives when He doesn’t always let us in on them. All He asks is that we trust Him behind the curtains of our lives, in the big and small things. I know that God has amazing plans for my life; He’s told me in His word, through His other children and when I’m surrounded by silence. But my current path is filled with two jobs, church and the ministries that I’m involved in and trying to be a properly functioning 26 year old. But I’m not satisfied. I hate that I can’t see anything but disgusting fog, when it seems like everyone else has been given the “go” on their paths while I have to stay tip toeing in mine. Or slow crawling.
But maybe, even in the boring, mundane details of my life, the Lord is asking me to be open in the inches before me so that I will be better prepared for the miles He’ll give me later. Maybe, He wants me to trust His sovereignty in those inches so that I will never have to doubt Him in the miles.
Every season is to be enjoyed, rain or shine. Fog is mysterious and sometimes beautiful. Sometimes the moisture of the fog ruins your freshly straightened hair, while other times it’s a gentle kiss on your cheek. It’s really all in how you take it in and in the attitude you put out. My current fog is not permanent, it will clear eventually. My eyes need to not be focused on what I can’t see in front of me, but enjoying the soil beneath my feet.