There you are

I am absolutely in love with this scene in “Hook”. The music, the way the little boy touches Peter’s face, the anticipation on the faces of the Lost Boys and how Peter has a look of uncertainty and hope. I often find myself getting overly emotional watching this scene because I know how it feels to forget and search.

I believe we’ve all come to a point in our lives, especially us young adults, where we forget that it’s okay to be human sometimes. I know that I used to. I remember most of my childhood; playing in the dirt, playing pretend and having no care in the world. I watched plenty of cartoons and movies and could recite all of the lines (still do/can) with confidence. I remember those bad moments as well; parents constantly arguing, always getting into trouble or something like that. I don’t remember where I was exactly that I remembered a certain event of my life, way before my brother was born. I was at my babysitter’s house and she often times watched these other kids. She had us go down for a naps and I remembered her laying down blankets for us to sleep on. When she was out of the room, a slightly older boy was laying beside me whispering that he wanted to show me something. I can’t remember every thing that led to him trying to show me how adults play, but I remember feeling like I had to go along with it. At some point our babysitter came back and we pretended like we were asleep. He tried to get me to start again but I kept pretending that I was sleeping so that I wouldn’t have to participate in his game anymore. Several years after that I began looking at porn which in turn became an addiction and then I think I stopped trying to be a kid.

When I find myself thinking back to that day, I can’t help but wonder if it was what held me back. As if it were the start of me feeling like I had to perform all the time even when I didn’t want to. I know that in the movie “Hook” Peter was once the real Peter Pan, the boy who could fly and fight with ease, the boy who declared he’d never grow up because growing up was boring and no longer filled with imagination. I can’t help but wonder if there was an event after he departed from Neverland  had him forgetting all of the amazing times he had as a kid. I think that we often times experience moments like mine or maybe even his that force us to mature faster than we intended . Was there a moment that you were harmed, scared, worried or alone that you have shoved so far into the dark places of our memory bank that its collected cobwebs? If there are, maybe it’s time to search. Yes, I’m aware it’s a scary thing to dig for those dark moments, but they all don’t have to be dark. They can be the simplest moments of your life from years ago and maybe, just maybe, you should take the time to go back and figure out what they were, see if they show you something new about yourself. I’ve learned in the past few years, the moments that I’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable enough to search and remember are the moments where all my brokenness made perfect sense and I start to feel more alive.

I think when we just let all of our Jericho walls fall from our hearts is exactly where God meets us. Even though he knows that we’ve had those walls of hurt and hidden joys before we did, I can only imagine him looking at us, touching our faces and saying “Oh, there you are, beloved”

 

 

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2 thoughts on “There you are

  1. ziggy317 says:

    Wow – “Oh, there you are, beloved.” How beautiful. I remember the moment I stopped dreaming. Thirty years older, I feel like God is giving me a chance to try to dream again. Thanks for being so transparent.

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