Begin Again

Day 24: If you could relive ONE day of your life, what would it be? And would you change anything?

There is a particular day that I wish I could relive.

I was 15, at Ignite and ridiculously longing for someone to like me. And there was him. Attractive, blue eyed skateboarder who didn’t care a thing about God.

The rule at Ignite was that we were not allowed to pair off. We did it anyway. With two other people on a bridge that no one else was on. And then we fooled around and felt no remorse until I got home.

I felt dirty. I felt horrible. I felt shame. I had never done anything of that nature, especially on a retreat that was supposed to be for Jesus.

I would do anything to change that day. Sometimes I think about it and feel like I spat in God’s face and can’t repent enough. But then I know that it taught me something, what exactly? I don’t know.

If I could change, I would have changed my thoughts and focused on God or at least tried to understand who God was in the first place.

But that was several years ago and there is nothing I can possibly do to go back and re do it.

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