When it’s scary…

Day 4: Your biggest fear as a single person.

I think that my biggest fear maybe that transition into a relationship. I’ve always been an habitual person. I do the same things everyday with an occasional splash of spontaneity. Maybe half a splash. I’m used to doing things on my own and don’t worry, I’m thoroughly enjoying it. But I can’t for the life of me see myself having a smooth transition into actually being in a relationship. Like if you were to tell me that the guy that I like (which isn’t anyone, I’m just doing an example) likes me and wants to take me out somewhere, I’d be okay…until he starts trying to make it more serious, then this is where things may get slightly awkward. Being the girlfriend sounds like a job description that I don’t feel very qualified for because I’ve always been the friend. I’m great at being the friend. I fit the job very well, I know I’d be a decent girlfriend, but I’m so awkward around guys.

Like what the heck do I do with him?! Just the thought makes me want to stay put in my singleness. Because its comfortable, its familiar and I’m slightly  afraid of branching out further than that. I can’t think about it without freaking out. Yes, wanting to be with someone who loves you and wants to be around you and wants to grow with you in God sounds fabulous but when it’s there, when it actually happens, what do you do? If you are anything like me or have been single for as long as I have, we’ve been conditioned to our singleness, to be us and enjoy who we are and enjoy God and new friendships and adventures but when “The One” comes, what do we do? We get the sermons on relationships and courtship and marriage but when it’s time, are we as prepared to venture into a new chapter of our lives? I’d like to think that I am in some ways but then again, I’m not. I’m fearful. If I could get just a visual of what will happen when that glorious day comes, I think I can get myself ready; to be less dorky, more cool, not make mistakes or become the perfect Stepford Girlfriend.

But we all know that that’s not how God works, no matter how much I pray and dream. He’s the only one that knows who I will end up with and he knows that he’ll accept all my flaws and awkwardness. He alone will bring me to that perfect crunchy peanut butter transition; there will be some smooth parts and some rocky parts (see what I did there? lol). But I will have to be okay with it. I’m never going to be perfect in everything.


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